Why I hate “Selfies”…

I have never taken a selfie.

Ok, thats possibly not entirely true. I have taken a couple of “artistic” reflection shots of myself over the years; there have been instances (begrudgingly) where someone has wanted to take a photo with me; I have occasionally needed a photo of me at short notice for my company intranet. Once I needed to send some phots of me in particular outfits to a friend so they could help me decide if they were appropriate for an event we were attending. So this clearly needs some definition; I have never taken a photo of myself for the sort of self-gratification process which defines a “selfie”. Because that’s ultimately in a “selfie” the subject (“you” or potentially “me”) are the most important thing.

I do my best to avoid being caught in other people’s seflies too.

I know “selfie avoidance” seems completely incredible to a lot of people so rather than try and justify why I have a fervent dislike for them, I’m going to throw opposition at all the reasons so many people try and justify them.

1. Its not narcissism!

Of course its narcissistic. Its you, talking a photo of yourself, where you are the sole focus. And its probably then posted on Instagram, Facebook or Twitter for other people to see, like or comment on. Thats the very definition of narcissism. The only way that single act could be more narcissistic is if you were dressed as a daffodil and carried a sign with “love me” written on it.

2. I’m documenting my life!

No, you’re documenting your face. To document something you have to be doing something to document. Having a face is something we all do all the time

3. Its a record of a moment / a person!

It would be, if someone else was taking it. Look, this is where the semantics comes in. I’m not a great fan of photographs of myself, but I do like a record of things I have done – a show I have been in, waterskiing, climbing a rockface, punching a baboon… But for a photo to be a record of the event, I have to be participating in the event. If I stop to “take a selfie”, what I have is a record of me taking a photograph of myself. Its completely empty of any context, and in fact of any interest. Its why every selfie looks essentially exactly the fucking same.

There isn’t even one iota of spontaneity in there, as there would be if someone caught a candid snap of you off guard. Its just a sterile premeditated preen shot, usually with some sort of retarded duck face going on.

4. To prove I was somewhere…

This is one of the worst. People who take selfies in front of the Eiffel Tower / the gates of a Tibetan monastery /

If this guy wasn't such a complete dickhead, he could have taken a decent picture of the Eiffel Tower.

If this guy wasn’t such a complete dickhead, he could have taken a decent picture of the Eiffel Tower.

Pizza Express. Look, that thing you’re standing in front of? FAR more interesting than you. Get out of the way and you’ll have decent picture. WE KNOW YOU WENT THERE BECAUSE YOU TOOK THE FUCKING PHOTO!!! WE DON’T NEED YOU FACE AS PROOF.

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